jokes

"New FOX show, 'Skating with Celebrities,' starts tomorrow night. You've got Dave Coulier, Debbie Gibson, Todd Bridges...
...No word yet on the celebrities."

Angelina's Top Ten Pet Peeves About Brad
10. He's apparently too cool to jump on couches proclaiming his love
9. Refuses to appear on Maury Povich show to confirm paternity
8. Keeps introducing her as his future ex-wife
7. Wears William Shatner's kidney stone around his neck
6. Fight Club, my ass. He can't take a punch.
5. Small feet, if you know what I mean.
4. His freakishly undersized lips
3. He looks good enough, but when you have been married to Billy Bob, everything else is a step down
2. Doesn't kiss as good as her brother
1. Spews more crap than O'Reilly

"Top Ten Surprises in Clinton's State of the Union Address"
2. If re-elected, would bring back the McRib Sandwich.

Amazing Similarities between Abe Lincoln and George W Bush…
Lincoln…was a lawyer.
Bush…once hired a lawyer.

Lincoln…never found Osama.
Bush…just like Lincoln!

Bush…knew Strom Thurmond.
Lincoln…also knew Strom Thurmond!

Lincoln…likeness on the penny.
Bush…likeness on bumperstickers.

Lincoln…shot in head at a theater.
Bush…laughed head off in theater watching ‘Big Mama 2’