Top Ten Ways The Country Would Be Different If a Woman Were President

10. On our currency, "In God We Trust" will be replaced with "You Go, Girl!"

9. NASA's Mars mission cancelled, replaced by mission to Venus

8. Wars would be over as soon as someone breaks a nail

7. New cabinet position: Secretary of Electrolysis

6. Library of Congress changed to Oprah's Book Club

5. Terror Threat Level colors are plum, mauve, fuchsia, periwinkle and pink

4. Inaugural speech urging the nation to "moisturize"

3. She wouldn't interrupt prime time TV for a stupid press conference, especially when "Grey's Anatomy" is on

2. Pointless invasion of Bloomingdale's

1. Mandatory prison sentence for leaving the toilet seat up