The Uggla Conspiracy

After Dan Uggla went on another one of his patented Spring Training strikeout streaks, the second-baseman was able to pad his lofty On Base Percentage Tuesday night against the Yankees by getting hit in the neck with a pitch. According to reports, Dan was fine, but the ball was damaged beyond repair. Despite slimming down in the off-season, the pitch did not knock Uggla down. As a precaution, Uggla was removed from the game. Had it been the regular season instead of spring training, Dan probably would have stayed in the game. Even Fredi Gonzalez knows a hurting Dan Uggla is better than a healthy Tyler Pastornicky.

The hit-by-pitch incident got me thinking. Say what you will about Uggla’s performance: the strikeouts, the low average, yadda yadda yadda. Uggla shows up to play, every day. The only time he’s been out of the lineup these past two seasons is when he’s been sat because of poor performance. In the meantime, other teammates have strung together time on the DL because of various ailments: Chipper, Heyward, Prado, Hudson, McCann, Freeman, Simmons, Moylan, Beachy, Jurrigans. Seems like everyone gets hurt, except Uggla.

After his slow start, perhaps the Braves front office got together and conspired to find a way to get Uggla out of the lineup. And what better accomplice to help with the deed than the evil empire: the New York Yankees? Bean Uggla, and find a way to get every fan’s favorite pheenom Evan “El Oso Blanco” Gattis into the lineup?

To many fans I read on blogs or Twitter, the fact that Gattis cannot play second base would be not problem at all. Though only a serviceable fielder at his two “natural” positions (catcher & left field), fans continue to suggest that Gattis be moved to third base. These self-proclaimed experts see no difference between the National League and Little League, where position changes aren’t as problematic. Move Freeman to third and install McCann at first. Move Heyward to center. Move Chipper to first. I’ve heard it all.

But if Uggla gets hurt, who plays second so The White Bear can squeeze into the lineup? No problem. BJ Upton looks like a second-baseman. Move him there.

The Uggla Conspiracy. You heard it here first.