The economy is so bad that…
…in Utah a polygamist only had one wife.
…in Los Angeles, porn stars are taking jobs as actual pizza delivery men.
…Mexicans are patching the holes in the border fence.
…in England the queen was wearing one of those paper crowns from Burger King.
…I turned on The Biggest Loser and they were showing my 401K.
…rappers can only afford to get their teeth bronzed.
…next to the MENU button on my remote there’s a Dollar Menu button.
…when the Uber driver showed up, he said “hop on my back.”
…the only emails Hillary did not delete were the ones from Groupon.
Bernie Sanders is called the anti-fossil fuels candidate – because he IS a fossil.
Sanders’ fund-raising dinners aren’t raising as much as Hillary’s – because no one wants to eat at four o’clock.
Obama has a 51% approval rating. The other 49% are the taxpayers.
Bill Clinton got in trouble at a campaign stop when he leaned over and kissed a baby. Normally that’s ok, but the baby was breast-feeding at the time.
Hillary calls herself the most transparent candidate. It’s because everyone can see right through her.
Trump was accused of giving speeches that were at a 5th grade level. In response Donald called the accuser a doodyhead.
This year’s most popular baby names are Noah and Emma. The least popular baby names are Hillary and Donald.
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