Part One: July 11, 2021: how to respond to the mean people in your life. This isn’t to say that we’re all not sometimes mean. The goal is to work toward being all the more Christ-like.
If we don’t have a plan, the mean people can gain a measure of control over us. We feel like we have no choice but to respond. When around them, I feel like I am not myself. Mean people keep us off balance. We’re forced to compensate. But how?
Need to listen to hear Andy’s personal anecdote, about the things Mean Old Roger had done, the lies he told. The Stanley’s attention was focused too much on Roger. It’s so difficult to be kind to the unkind and insensitive, to follow the golden rule. In the moment some of the bad things you think of seem right, seems even. When we are mistreated and we feel off balance, we compensate by taking it out on someone else.
What do we do about the mean people? There’s often no way to extricate yourself from the relationship. The mean person keeps chipping away and we react, and that gives them even more power over us. What is the way forward, past all the meanness?
When King David was a fugitive after King Saul plotted to kill David. David gathers a small, angry, mistreated army. In I Samuel 25:2, a wealthy man had a thousand goats. Nabal was harsh and mean in his dealings. A pain to deal with. David sent men to greet him in peace. David’s men had not mistreated Nabal’s shepherds. Please be hospitable to us, asked David’s men. Nabal made them wait.
I Sam 27:9. Nabal finally answers: "Who is this David? I’m not going to share. Go away." David’s response? "Strap on your swords." David was sometimes a violent man.
David’s sword was a visual aid of God’s provision – David got the oversized sword from Goliath. It was so big David couldn’t hold it. The 400 men set out. This was going to be a massacre. On the way David was thinking about what he would say. He was building up his case, thinking about all the things he had done to help Nabal. May God deal with me if I don’t kill everyone. David had forgotten all about how God had helped him.
There are two people in this story, but no hero. Nabal was maniacle. David was being predictable with his response.
Questions to consider as you consider the mean people in your life: Teach these questions to your children.
1. Do you want to be even with someone you don’t even like? This is our natural response. Getting even just goes on and on with no end.
2. Wouldn’t you rather be ahead? Wouldn’t you rather not be like the people you don’t like?
3. What story do you want to tell? Are you going to look back and tell people just how mean you had to be to get your way? That’s not a very good story.
4. What would it look like to return good for evil? Not just refuse to react, but to be kind. Jesus said to do good to those who mistreat you. Do something for them, not something to them. Write a remarkable story.
Part Two: July 18, 2021: Beyond Even.
We’ve all been mean at times. We’re working to not be mean.
But how to respond to the unkind and manipulative people in our lives? We must have a plan, so we won’t respond with meanness.
Don’t continually subject yourself to a mean person’s anger and abuse. It’s not healthy. Mean people are just angry with life. They were angry before you came along. Some don't even realize they're being mean, unkind, and unreasonable. Others do. What a sad way to go through life.
It’s difficult not to be mean to mean people. Getting even just makes things worse. You can’t ignore them. Being mean back just gives them more power over you.
Abigail was the third person in the King Saul vs fugitive David story. She was Nabal’s wife. David is carrying his seething anger. Samuel was David’s biographer. David was trying to justify his anger at Nabal. King Saul was untouchable, but David could act out his anger on Nabal.
I Sam 25:16 Nabal’s men went to Abigail to share how good David was to the shepherds. Abigail sent a caravan of donkeys loaded with food out to meet David’s army, and Abigail went out with them. Ruins David’s mood.
v 23. Abigail speaks to David as if David were already the kind and patient man that he is to become. Pay no attention to my husband. Since the Lord has kept you from avenging yourself, let this gift be given to you and your men. David the Lord will keep you safe even though King Saul wants to kill him. Remember God’s past faithfulness. You have no need to get even with Nabal. Abigail asks David what story do you want to tell.
v 30 you will not have this staggering burden hanging over you. David comes to his senses.
v 32-33. David: Thanks for your good judgement. I have heard your words and I grant your request.
We all need an Abigail. We should be wise to listen to her words. Some of our biggest regrets in life came when we didn’t listen. Sometimes what we want right now gets in the way of what we want for the long term. In the morning Abigail went back and told Nabal, who died ten days later. Abigail then became David’s wife, and they lived happily ever after.
Return evil for good – maniacal – Nabal
Return evil for evil – predictable – David
Return good for evil – remarkable – Abigail.
This is amazing grace. Love your enemies. Don’t just tolerate and ignore them. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who mistreat you. Don’t do something to them – do something for them. Jesus said that when you do this, you become like your Father in heaven.
How have you responded to the mean people in your life? What would it look like to return good for evil? Sandra baked Roger’s favorite muffins, and drove them over two hours round trip to deliver them. He was outside, and a difficult conversation ensured. Why did Sandra do this? “I have to do something for the mean person, so I will be free.”
Don’t write a predictable story. The meaner they are, the brighter your light can shine. Instead write a remarkable story, even though they don’t deserve it. You aren’t doing this good thing for them. You’re doing it so you can be like your Father in heaven, so you can be freed from the tyranny of the mean person.
Even if you don’t follow through, at least ask the four questions. It may just change your life, and give yourself something to remember for the rest of your life.
I typed these notes while listening to the sermons, and left the pronouns as Andy had voiced them (for the most part). These words hit very close home. Doing this is incredibly hard. In the end it’s been God who’s worked things out exactly as He wants it to be. So amazing at the timing of Andy preaching these two sermons. Listen to them, as my notes cannot express what Andy has said.
No comments:
Post a Comment