How to Apologize

How to apologize – notes from the WikiHow article linked below. Amazing the subjects that can be found on WikiHow.

Definition: an apology is an expression of remorse for something you’ve done wrong. Serves as a way to repair a relationship damaged after that wrongdoing. A good apology will communicate (1) regret, (2) responsibility, and (3) remedy the wrong.

A. Preparing Your Apology.

1. Give up the idea of being “right”. An apology needs to acknowledge the truth of the other person’s feelings, regardless of whether you think they are right.

2. Accept responsibility for your actions. Use “I” statements. Don’t push the responsibility for your offense off on the other person. Keep the focus on what you did. Avoid sounding like you’re blaming the other person. Don’t apologize for the other person’s feelings. It needs to acknowledge your responsibility.

3. Don’t justify your actions. This negates the apology.

4. Don’t make excuses. The reason for your behavior doesn’t justify the harm you caused. The person who was wounded by your offense may be more likely to forgive you if you recognize the proper behavior. Promise to behave properly in the future. If you have no intention of changing your behavior, don’t apologize.

5. Avoid the “but…”. Any apology containing the word “but” will never be understood as an apology. But shifts the focus from what should be the point of the apology to justifying yourself. When people hear the word but they stop listening. All they hear is “but this was really your fault".

6. Consider the other person.

7. Write your apology down. Re-read it. Make sure you express the wording just right. Take your time. Add what you’ll do to ensure the mistake won’t happen again.

B. Apologizing at the Right Time and Place.

1. Find the right time.

2. If possible, do it in person.  

3. Chose a private setting.

4. Make sure you allow enough time.

C. Making Your Apology

1. Don’t threaten. If the person you hurt brings up your pattern of past behavior that is related to your mistake, allow them to finish. Do not interrupt. Pause before you respond. Consider the person’s statements. Try to see the situation from the hurt person’s point of view. Don’t lash out, yell, or insult the other person.

2. Use humble language.

3. State your regret. Acknowledge the hurt and damage you did. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings as real and valued.

4. Accept responsibility. Be specific. State what you did wrong.

5. State how you will remedy the situation, how you’ll do things differently in the future, and repair the hurt. Find the problem. Don’t point fingers at others. Don’t make excuses.

6. Listen to the other person. Don’t interrupt. Do not blame the person you hurt.

7. Be thankful.

8. Just because you apologize doesn’t mean the damage you’ve done has been repaired.

9. Don’t repeat the bad behavior. Stick to your word. Otherwise your apology is meaningless.

https://www.wikihow.com/Apologize

GAYLORD PERRY  [SABR Bio] a one-time Brave, he was the first forty-year-old to win a Cy Young Award. Perry turned 40 in 1978, the year he won his 2^Nd CYA in a runaway vote. Pitched for ATL in 1981. He won twenty games for each of three different teams: 21-8 in 1966 & 23-13 in 1970 for SFG; Also 24-16 in 1972 & 21-13 in 1974 for CLE; and 21-6 in 1978 for SDP. The only other pitchers to do this were Carl Mays (BOS, NYY, CIN) and Pete Alexander (PHI, CHC, STL).

Perry won the AL CYA in 1972, his first. He started 40 games and relieved once, with 29 complete games, eight of which went into extra-innings, including a 13 inning shutout.  His record of 24 wins, 16 losses, one save and zero no-decisions earned him the Cy Young Award in a season where seven other pitchers received votes. George Brett, Ozzie Smith and Dennis Eckersley were three of the seventeen Hall of Famers who were his teammates. Also Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Juan Marichal, Orlando Cepeda, Duke Snider, Warren Spahn, Frank Robinson, Fergie Jenkins, Bert Blyleven, Rollie Fingers, Dave Winfield, Rich Gossage, Reggie Jackson, and Phil Niekro.