Smarts

I don't know why people think I am so smart. In fact I am characterized by making bad decisions. I say things I shouldn't say. I procrastinate. 

Do people think I'm smart because I don't say much? Because I'm quiet? Perhaps I don't say as much because when someone else is talking, I'm listening - instead of waiting for the chance to start talking myself. Then when the other person stops talking, that's when I start thinking of a reply. Oftentimes that takes awhile. I'm not going to say the first thing that comes to mind. I'm not going to say something just to be talking. Another reason I'm not a big talker: are others really interested in what I have to say? So many people are more interested in themselves than other people.  

There are plenty of times I should've spoken up but didn't, and I've suffered because of my silence. 

Others may think I'm smart because I graduated from Georgia Tech. Some graduate cum laude. I graduated Thankya Lordey. Before graduating, I flunked out. Twice. Was sentenced to six months at Dekalb Community College. Then spent the rest of my time at Tech on academic probation. I waited until my last semester at Tech to take calculus - actually lite calculus for non-engineering majors - so I wouldn't have to take the final exam. I know very little about many things that would be helpful: computers, car repairs, home repairs, the law, the Bible, government. I know about sports, but that doesn't help much. 

There is book smarts and there is street smarts, or "people smart." I consider myself neither. Perhaps that's another reason I don't say much when I'm around others. 

If I was smart I wouldn't waste so much time on social media. If I was smart I wouldn't share so much on my blog. I really shouldn't even waste all the time it takes to produce the blog. If I was so smart I'd plan better for the future. do a better job of developing relationships, spend more time in the Bible, more time exercising and eating right. Less time watching TV and entering sweepstakes (that's a real time-waster right there). But I don't. 

I write to give me a chance to sort out what I think about things. That way I can take as long as I like. Like this post right here. I always remember a cartoon from years ago that resonated with me. An average kid gets accosted by a bully. The kid doesn't respond, instead riding the bus home and eventually crawling into bed. Only then does the kid think of the perfect response to the bully. That's me.

Some may think I'm smart because I read a lot of books. Actually I listen to lots of books. In the car, during the two hours I spent commuting to and from work every day. Most of the books are fiction, histories, or biographies. If I was smart I'd be spending that time learning Spanish or French. Not that this would make me a smarter person. If I was smart I'd be working from home every day during this pandemic, instead of burning gas driving to the office.

I'm not sure why people think I'm smart. I spend no time trying to figure out other people (that may be a wise thing), thinking of ways to...heck, I don't know what. In my life I have so much that wears me out mentally and emotionally, that what little down time I do have is spent vegging out, mindlessly scrolling on my phone or TV. I shouldn't share this. No, not very smart. 

I have never claimed to be a smart person. I don't consider myself to be as smart as most of the people I know. But maybe I have some people fooled.