Dealing With Toxic People

Relationships to avoid, by Travis Bradberry. Very applicable to me, and most people I know. This article helps me be less toxic to others, as well as helping me deal with the toxic people in my life. I find that re-typing the most applicable passages from articles like this helps me internalize them all the more. When I do this I try my best to give credit to others for their work and writings.  

 

Toxic relationships are a major drain on your energy, productivity, and happiness. At home and work 98% of people experience toxic relationships. They negatively influence employees and companies (and people at home) in the following ways:

 

80% lost time while worrying about incidents.

78% said their commitment to the company declined.

66% said their performance declined.

63% lost time avoiding the offender.

47% intentionally decreased the time spent at work.

25% admitted to taking frustrations out on customers.

12% said they left their job because of it.

48% intentionally decreased their work effort.

 

We can’t control the toxicity of others, but we can control our response to them. This has the power to alter the course of the relationship. Before a toxic relationship can be neutralized you must understand what makes it toxic in the first place. Toxic relationships develop when one person’s needs are no longer met, or someone/something is interfering with the ability to maintain a healthy and productive relationship.

 

The most common forms of toxic relationships, and strategies to help overcome them:

 

Passive aggressive relationships. Takes many forms, like a drastic reduction in effort. These types of people have difficulty receiving feedback and try to avoid the issue at hand, are sensitive and avoid conflict (me), which can lead to them leaving early or not working as hard. If this happens to you, communicate the problem to the offender as constructively and harmoniously as possible.

 

Lack of forgiveness and trust. Some people get so fixated on other people’s mistakes that it seems as if they don’t believe they don’t make mistakes themselves. These people hold grudges, are afraid people are going to do them harm, and may even begin nudging you out of important projects. This is frustrating because one mistake costs hundreds of “trust points” but hundreds of perfect actions are required to gain back one trust point. To win back trust pay extra-close attention to detail – and don’t be frazzled when they constantly when they’re constantly looking for mistakes. You have to use every ounce of patience to dig yourself out of the subjective hole you’re in.

 

One-sided relationships. Relationships are supposed to be mutually beneficial, but grow toxic when one person begins giving a disproportionate amount, or if one person only wants to take. If possible, the best thing to do with type is to stop giving. Unfortunately this isn’t always possible. When it isn’t, you need to have a frank conversation with the other party to recalibrate the relationship.

 

Idealistic relationships – when we hold people in too high a regard. Mistakes are overlooked, or violate morals to please them. Instead remain objective.    

 

Punitive relationships – when one person punishes the other for behavior that’s not in line with their expectations. Punitive types instinctively punish, without actively communicating, understanding, or giving feedback (me). This belittling approach creates conflict and bad feelings. To survive, choose your battles wisely. You won’t be heard if you dive right in to every conflict – they’ll just label you as too sensitive.

 

Relationships built on lies. These types are so caught up in looking good that they lose track of what’s fact and what’s fiction. Then the lies pile up and become the foundation of the relationship. People who won’t give straight answers don’t deserve your trust. If they’re willing to lie to you, how can you depend on them? The best thing to do is count your losses and move on.

 

How to protect yourself from a toxic person: Toxic people behave irrationally and against reason. Why allow yourself to respond emotionally and get sucked in? Your ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance – as a worker, spouse, or parent. Of top performers, 90% are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. One of their greatest gifts is their ability to identify toxic people and remain them at bay.

 

The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally (if possible, sometimes this is hard with family members). Approach your interactions with them like they’re a science project. You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos – only the facts. Maintaining emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. Sometimes you need to regroup and choose the best way forward.

 

Most feel as though because they work or live with someone, they have no way to control the chaos. This isn’t true. Once you identify someone as toxic you’ll begin to find their behavior more predictable and easier to understand. You can now better think more rationally about how and when and where you have to put up with them and when and where you don’t. You can establish boundaries, but do so proactively and consciously. If you let things just happen naturally you’re bound to find yourself embroiled in difficult situations. If you set boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage the difficult person, you can control much of the chaos.  The trick: stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to cross them – which they will.

 

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/research-says-avoid-working-relationships-like-plague-bradberry

Belated 40th Anniversary

Every year all across the country many schools are crowned state champions, in one sport or another. Some small schools play a few other small schools in their area and call themselves state champs. I won’t even get into travel ball – every weekend  it’s a different “world series.” But to win the state title in the football-crazy state of Georgia, in the highest classification, is quite a claim to fame - especially when no other Macon school has equaled that feat in the past 40 years. It’s been a long time, but here’s how the lowly kicker remembered it:

1974 was supposed to be our year. Central was loaded with talent, including two high school All-Americans. But the season turned disappointing. Afterward all we could hope for was a better 1975, my junior year.

Preseason: Defensive lineman Ulysses Hawthorne (#77) missed a practice. Rumor was he was at Six Flags. The next day he also had a new nickname: Scream Machine, from the pain he endured at the next practice.

With the graduation of high school all-America kicker David Taylor, the kicking duties were mine to lose. And that I did, when sophomore Ricky “Sonar” Kurtz (#66) drilled one practice kickoff one yard deep into the end zone. The coaches had seen enough. I would not regain the kickoff duties until the second or third game of the season. Playing offensive tackle the whole game and kicking off tied did not mix well for young “Kirk”, as Coach Reynolds called him.

On picture day the trainer was handing out the game jerseys to wear. Players crowded the equipment room doorway, all wanting their jersey. The trainer would hold up a number and try to remember whose it was. Knowing all the numbers, I’d quickly tell him. Finally he said “Murphy, you know so much. Come on in and help me.” This is just what I wanted. As a sophomore backup I had been assigned number 82. A decent number, but I wanted a lower number. All the new sophomores were wanting their favorite numbers as well. Finally I found it: number twenty one. Worn in 1974 by the ever so cool receiver Tom Poole. Sophomore Jeff Byrd spied the jersey and begged for it, but no deal – it was mine. I handed him a consolation prize – my old number 82. Perhaps the big smile on my face in the team picture is from finally getting to wear my favorite number.

Senior baseball player Johnny Crawford (#10) joined the football team as a punter, giving me someone to practice with. I got quite good at catching punts and often dreamed that I’d be pressed into service as a punt returner. Right. As the season progressed Johnny decorated his practice helmet with three stripes of athletic tape, plus a lightning bolt. He called himself Thunder Foot, so I claimed the title Lightning Leg. I found an ancient single-bar suspension helmet in the equipment room that happened to fit, so it became my practice helmet. It even stuck out on the sides, like the one Johnny Unitas wore in the 1960’s. When Crawford decorated his helmet I did the same, with two thick stripes. I also wrapped the single bar in tape, making it white. I’ve always regretted not keeping that helmet as a memento of my playing career.

David Cape (#51) was the fair-skinned senior long snapper. Back then he was a bit of a Eddie Haskell type, always up to something. I always remember driving past the Fountain Carwash with Cape in my red 1966 Ford Country Sedan station wagon. Cape reached over and turned off the ignition key. As a relatively inexperienced driver I almost panicked. Out of all of us Cape carried the torch, coaching and teaching and leading another generation of middle-Georgia football players.    

But all fun and games quickly ceased during a subsequent practice. Junior defensive end David Belote (#85) was the exception to the typical high school jock – he was a good student as well. But on the field he was a white tornado, with a motor that never stopped. The next year Belote, Paul Conner (#52), Roger Jackson (#41), and I would be returning starters and elder statesmen, but in the summer of ‘75 Belote had yet to be named a starter. And when Belote slammed into senior quarterback Mike Jolly (#11) the coaches, especially offensive coordinator Roy McWilliams, were not pleased. Jolly limped off the field with a sprained knee. Forty years later McWilliams was still cussing Belote. Perhaps that’s why David was a no-show at the reunion.

“There goes our season” quipped one senior. Very quickly my role became all the more important – backup quarterback Randy Griffin (#12) rode to school with me every day. One day I almost had a wreck. After that I was extra careful - I didn’t want to mess up the hopes of the entire school.

21-14 over Griffin Bears - September 5th at Porter Stadium (I went 1-2 kicking PATs): as high school kids long before the internet age, we knew little about “distant” opponents. At least I didn’t. We did know we were expected to win. In 1974 I wasn’t impressed with Griffin’s stadium. Our Griffin, sophomore backup quarterback Randy, filled in for the injured Jolly and got the job done. When I missed an extra point I stomped my leg, providing hilarious entertainment at the Sunday afternoon film session. Coach McWilliams ran the clip over and over, and I quickly learned to never to that again.

35-6 at Douglas County – September 12th (5-5): road trip out west of Atlanta, past Six Flags. I remember wearing orange sleeves under my white jersey, with the orange band carefully tucked under for what I considered to be a super cool look. But standing outside the locker room before the game someone pointed out my different look, and the always-helpful center Mike Wager (#53) “fixed” it: untucking my collar and tucking the orange undersleeves so they couldn’t be seen. “Thanks, Mike” I said – intentionally NOT calling him Wager, the name we ALWAYS called him.

After the game the team bus drove west on I-20 to Atlanta, but instead of taking the ramp south our bus driver Buck took the adjoining northbound ramp into downtown Atlanta. The entire team was chanting “Go Buck Go!” Buck took the International Boulevard exit, turned right onto Peachtree, then another right and pulled up in front of a nightclub and braked to a stop. Wager and linebacker Gerald Payton (#68) stood to get off the bus. The coaches quickly nixed the idea, and we all roared with laughter. The bus rolled away and headed home.

22-8 over Keenan of SC – September 19th at Porter Stadium (1-3 plus one short field goal)

21-7 over Butler Bulldogs – September 27th at Porter Stadium (3-3). On the Saturday morning after we played I would pour over the Macon Telegraph’s game story, to see of course if my name made the paper. But several times the story got it wrong, crediting holder Randy Griffin with the kick. As soon as I kicked Randy would grab the black kicking block and jog off the field, while I was standing there watching my kick and accepting attaboys from the line. As a protest during practice I swapped places with Randy, a petty and stupid thing to do. McWilliams didn’t have time to screw around, and I was quickly reprimanded.

45-0 over Richmond Academy - October 3rd at Porter Stadium (1-3).

48-0 over arch-rival Southwest  - October 17th at Porter Stadium (6-6). Warming up before one game at Porter Stadium, I felt the beginnings of an asthma attack. Having suffered with asthma all my life, this was no huge deal, though I knew clearing it up before the game started would be best. By that point I carried my orange kicking tee and black field goal block with me to games, to insure they weren’t lost. It never occurred to me to bring my inhaler on the bus to the game. I didn’t panic, but sent a team manager back to school on a mission to get my inhaler. After that I always took my inhaler to games.

36-0 at Northeast - October 24th at Henderson Stadium (4-4)

20-6 at Lucy Laney - October 31st in Augusta (2-3) Halloween, when strange things happen. Thrust out of our normal environment, we got to know our teammates all the more intimately. Riding through eastern Georgia on a two lane highway fullback Randy Rutherford (#33) perked up and exclaimed “Hey! Look at those PEE-can trees!” I looked out the window and said to myself “It’s pe-CAAN.”

On the opening kickoff I ran downfield admiring a particularly good kick. Then suddenly my field of vision was blocked – by a huge opponent. He slammed me to the ground with a vicious hit. With the play still live I immediately started to scramble to my feet – only to be pushed back down to the ground. I get it, I thought. I stayed on the ground until the play was over. Fortunately that happened only once.

Somehow on an extra point I had the breath knocked out of me. I can’t remember being hit or roughed, but I quickly had to gather myself and prepare for the kickoff.

14-27 vs. Northside Warner Robins - November 14th at Porter Stadium (2-2). The only blemish on our season. Led by all-region senior running back Tony Davezan, Northside had a strong team. On kickoffs I was instructed to kick the ball away from Davezan. He would line up as the deep back on the left side of the field, where a right-footed kicker would more naturally pull the ball. So every time I would approach the ball from the left, and kick right. It wasn’t the most natural thing to do, but in the two Northside games I was able to kick away from Davezan on seven of my eight kickoffs. Only once in the second game did Davezan and the other deep back switch places. Before the kickoff I noticed the switch and instead kicked off left – away from Davezan. The one time I messed up and had my kickoff sail toward Davezan I received a sharp reprimand from McWilliams.

When the Telegraph’s All-Region high school football team was named, I was disappointed to not be on it. Jolly and Stan Putnal (#42) and several other Central players made it. The kicker was Davezan, the Northside running back. They must not have been room for him in the backfield. Maybe he didn’t miss as many extra points as me. My senior year I was again disappointed – no one was named the all-star kicker or punter.

21-19 vs. Northside Warner Robins - November 26th at Porter Stadium (3-3). After losing to Northside in the season finale, as region champions we slated to clash again in the first round of the state playoffs – the “area” championship. Undoubtedly the most exciting game ever played at old Porter Stadium. Facing 4th & 20 with 1:20 remaining, Jolly scrambled right for a 23 yard first down run. With no timeouts remaining, Jolly sneaked across the goal line for the winning touchdown.

21-6 vs. Wayne County at Porter Stadium for the South Georgia Championship (3-3). As McWilliams tells the story, this was a duel between WR/CB Stan Putnal for Central and WR/CB Lindsay Scott of Wayne County (and later UGA). Coach Roy was irate when Jolly threw an out route instead of a post. But Jolly and Putnal were setting Scott up for the next play – a touchdown.

The state championship game was delayed a week when Lakeside High protested an official’s decision. During the off weekend the Chargers bussed up both Saturday and Sunday to practice on the unfamiliar AstroTurf of Lakewood Stadium in south Atlanta. After over four months of long practices the road trips provided a welcome change to the routine. As we rode our yellow “cheesehounds” up I-75 two of our coaches passed the busses in an old pickup truck. Coach McWilliams was riding shotgun, and as he passed he saluted the bus as only he could. The entire left side of the bus lined every window to return the salute. Like me, I’m sure the rest of the team still carries this fond memory with them (in fact we reminisced about this at our reunion earlier this fall). Both days after the practices the busses dropped us off at the state farmer’s market cafeteria for a chopped steak dinner.

One of the more popular places in the locker room was the window looking out where the Central High Sugar Bear Band gathered for practice, since that’s where the girls were. As Christmas neared the football team gathered around the window and joined in a chorus of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. This became a cherished memory for band director Bob Barnette.

21-14 at Douglass High at Lakewood Stadium in Atlanta (1-1). Cold. Packed stadium. A night I would always remember. Several of us players walked out on the AstroTurf well before the official warm-ups, like players often do these days. When we ran out onto the field just before game time I was missing from my usual place near the front – it was my grandfather’s first time watching me play, and he was standing outside the locker room. I hoped this break from routine wouldn’t mess with my performance.

Back in those days players almost never wore gloves. Due to the cold I donned cordovan leather businessman’s gloves – that I wore only on the sidelines. No way I wanted to risk wearing them on the field in the unlikely event I needed handle the ball, attempt to tackle, or block. Looking back I’m sure the gloves looked completely unathletic. I’m sure I wore long sleeves under my orange jersey, probably white.

After our first touchdown the coaches decided to fake the point after and pass for two points. We hadn’t faked a PAT all year. Usually we’d practice the fake to the right, but for some reason we ran the play to the left. After Cape’s perfect snap to holder Jolly, I charged left and blocked the first guy I saw. Maybe he was already falling down and I fell on top of him, I forget. It seemed like the left side was clear and I thought Jolly would run it in, but I was unaware of what was going on behind me. Just then Jolly’s crisp pass sailed over my head to the receiver (Clemet Troutman (#25) ?), but it was too high to be caught.

After the second touchdown we went for two and made it. When we finally went ahead with our third touchdown (a Jolly QB sneak?) I was finally able to kick the extra point.

As the clock ticked to zero I remember a feeling of elation I’d rarely experienced either before or since. I did something completely uncharacteristic, climbing into the stands to celebrate with my friends in the Sugar Bear band. That was just something a football player didn’t do, but I had a great time.

The post-season football banquet was somewhat memorable. Players wearing their finest late-70’s attire. Was that the year I rocked a light blue polyester leisure suit, royal blue polka-dot open collared shirt, and white patent leather shoes? I’m not sure. I do remember the haul: my football jersey, a state championship trophy, framed certificate, and the hardest to get article of clothing in town: the orange Central High letterman’s jacket, complete with my name stitched in the pocket and football-shaped 1975 state AAA champs patch on the sleeve.

The next day the players were to wear their jerseys to school. Not me – all I wanted to wear was that letter jacket. Like memories of the state championship season, it hangs in my closet to this day.

NOTE: in honor of our team’s 40th anniversary of winning the state AAA championship I started working on this essay last fall, with hopes of posting it during the season to coincide with the team reunion, or in December when the game was won.

Spiritual Hot Potatoes

Parishioners are leaving pastor/author Steve Johnson's small church north of Macon by the dozen, perhaps because of an editorial by weekend columnist Bill Cummings in the Telegraph, the local newspaper. People's lives are being effected by Cummings' words, perhaps more so than what Johnson has written.

 

Who is Bill Cummings? A self-described leadership guru. http://www.macon.com/opinion/opn-columns-blogs/article30118116.html When given the chance to describe himself, Cummings did not mention his relationship to God. He did learn leadership from a Pope, but did not mention anything else he learned from the pontiff (though he reads the Bible daily). A quick Google search brings up not Cummings' own work, but numerous letters and columns questioning his motives and opinions. Like many in the media these days, it appears "Dr. C" uses his space in the Telegraph to stir up spiritual strife. Does he ever encourage or praise people for doing the right thing? On topic after topic it seems like he's much rather  question and tear down. With all the damage left in his wake I'm not sure I'd hang my hat or make a decision based on what he says. Sad that the newspaper I grew up reading has lowered themselves like this, aspiring to be like the liberal AJC.

 

I have a hard time loving my neighbor. Far be it from me to cast the first stone. I am in no way a Biblical scholar. Most of the words in Cummings' inflammatory January 30th opinion piece are Greek to me. For this reason I'm not going to pick ecclesiastical nits, or make spiritual decisions based on these words. Should I ever get my life in such order that I'm doing everything God requires of me, I'd like to think I would be able to look out from the mountaintop I'd surely be standing on and see even more needs I could meet in the name of Jesus. But I am a long way from that point right now. I am not one to argue various points of scripture.

 

No pastor is perfect. Most would tell you that. Many misguided saints and sinners are quick to forget this. No columnist is perfect either. Just a guess, but fewer would admit as much. Listen to a sermon on Sunday morning (or read a book) with the intent on finding fault, and you will most surely be successful. It's often harder to discern the intent, the meaning, the heart of what the pastor has to say. Many people go to church. When the preacher starts his sermon many in the pews go on a mental journey, daydreaming about that afternoon's game or what's on the menu for Sunday dinner. Listening is hard work – especially listening to God.  

 

No church is perfect. A church should not only meet an individual's needs but also provide opportunities for church-goers to serve God. A place parishioners can get together with others in the same stage of life. Certainly a place to be fed the word of God. Don't take my definition as gospel. Church means different things to different people. Instead of leaving an imperfect church, sometimes it's best to stay and work to make things better. Sometimes. Not always. I'd think there would be many more practical reasons to leave a church than splitting hairs on a particular nuance of scripture.

 

Perhaps all this shows my Biblical illiteracy. I do know that out of His love for me, God sent Jesus to die so my sins could be forgiven. How complicated is that? To me, to question God's motives as a Father is digging deeper and completely missing the obvious treasure. Isn't that enough? Wasn't that the reason Jesus lowered himself to become a man?

 

Similarly, many more spiritual than me say Syrian refugees should be allowed safe harbor in the United States. The Fox News watcher in me throws up a huge stop sign. But there's a difference in what a country should do (protect its citizens) and what a Christ-follower should do (serve others). I know I object out of fear, instead of opening my arms in love. As we approach the end times, following Christ becomes all the more difficult.

Again, don't take my words as inerrant. I plan on asking others more in the know. Do your own research. Form your own opinion. Just pray yours lines up with Scripture, with the mind and heart of God.

 

Philippians 2:5-11: Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond servant, and being made in the likeness of men, being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.    

 

"The blasphemy called "atonement"  by BILL CUMMINGS - SPECIAL TO THE MACON TELEGRAPH 1 30 2016

 

          Picture this: Dad is playing ball with his son, or flying a kite, or going on a trip; many of you mothers took videos. And we who are dads treasure these memories — those special times when we were bonding and maybe even teaching our sons things they didn't know. Sons are very special to dads. It's a lot more than just carrying on our family name.

 

          No sane dad would ever hurt his son for any reason. For example, nothing could make me deliberately cause pain to my son, not even if it helped me financially or emotionally or intellectually or in any way whatsoever. If somebody owed me a trillion dollars and said: "I'll pay you back if you let me shoot your son," I'd say, "Keep it!" And so would every sane father I have ever known.

 

                    Except God?

 

          God the Father, according to several different "Christian" theories, deliberately ordered the execution of his only son as "payback" for the sins of mankind. According to one theory all of us were being held ransom by the devil — so the payback was really made by God to the devil. Another is the Scapegoat Theory: God the Father demanded a scapegoat sacrifice like the Old Testament sacrifices, and since our sins were so great only the son of God could be the Scapegoat. A third theory is substitution. Since the wages of sin is death (Rom. 6:23) somebody had to die, and, once again, that job fell to the only son of God.

 

          Tell me — what sane father would ever do this?

 

Stephen N. Johnson has a compelling chapter on this in his inspiring book: "The Deep Reach of Amazing Grace." He says on page 38: "Punishing an innocent person for the transgressions of another is blatantly immoral and unjust." And God the Father is neither immoral nor unjust. Steve makes a clear and surely "Christian explanation" of why Jesus was executed by the Romans: he loved too much.

 

          Eating with criminals infuriated the police. Healing the sick on the Sabbath was against the law, and publicly talking to a half-breed Samaritan woman was enough to get him banished. We know the Pharisees stoned people to death for blasphemy, and what Jesus was saying about helping an injured traveler (and a hated Samaritan, at that) on the Sabbath, was getting close. But when he told public sinners that their sins were forgiven — that was surely blasphemy and it deserved crucifixion, which only Pilate could do.

 

          And get this, their sins were forgiven, Jesus said — not because they confessed them to a priest, or because they attended a week-long revival, or even because Christ would die on the cross. None of these things. Sins are forgiven, Jesus said, because God loves us. That's all. (Good thing Jesus isn't walking around today looking for a Christian church to pastor)

 

          Johnson quotes the famous "Atonement texts" in the Pauline epistles: (Romans and Ephesians) with words like "Christ died for the ungodly" and "he gave himself up for us, etc." and Johnson claims they're not really "atonement" texts at all, but rather texts that show Christ died because he insisted on loving all these people around him, not to pay off a debt to his father.

 

          Now I know we have a few "Bible-thumpers" who will jump all over this interpretation of the Scriptures (I can hear them screaming). They have known for years exactly what these words mean. They mean that God the Father demanded the execution of his only son to make amends to him for all the sins of mankind. In essence, God the Father killed his son. If this is truly what the authors of these scripture texts meant, then I say they were wrong — because that would surely be blasphemy. I would much rather accept the interpretation of Steve Johnson and the many scripture scholars who agree with him, like Tony Jones in "Did God Kill Jesus?"

 

          In his epilogue, Johnson quotes the Danish theologian Soren Kierkegaard who said: "The most dreadful sort of blasphemy is that of which Christendom is guilty: transforming the God of Spirit into ... ludicrous twaddle."

I agree.

 

http://www.macon.com/opinion/opn-columns-blogs/article57536133.html

 

http://www.macon.com/opinion/letters-to-the-editor/article57815663.html

 

http://www.macon.com/opinion/readers-opinion/article55135520.html 

Places I've Flown

I don’t consider myself a frequent flyer, but when I made a list of all the places I’ve flown, it really adds up over the past 34 years. At the risk of jinxing myself, I have only paid for one airline ticket for myself – for my honeymoon. Have I posted this list before?

Bermuda (honeymoon)

Boston (vacation)

Charlotte (vacation)

Charlotte to Little Rock (work)

Charlotte to NYC (vacation)

Chicago at least twice (work) (vacation)

Columbia to Atlanta (honeymoon)

Dallas several times (work)

Dallas to Chicago (redirected)

Dayton (work)

Greensboro several times (work)

Houston Bush (work)

Houston Hobby (work)

Indianapolis at twice (work) (vacation)

Indy to San Francisco (vacation)

Jacksonville at least twice (work) (interview)

Little Rock numerous times (work)

Little Rock to Dallas (redirect)

Little Rock to Houston (redirect)

Los Angeles (vacation)

Louisville (work)

Miami (“work”)

Memphis (work)

Memphis to Little Rock (work)

Nashville to Atlanta (vacation)

New York City to Atlanta (vacation)

Phoenix (vacation)

Phoenix to Nashville (vacation)

Richmond (work)

San Francisco (vacation)

Shreveport (work)

Tampa (work)

Tulsa several times (work)

Tulsa to Dallas (redirect)

What a Week

Wedding and rehearsal dinner invitations (above).

Monday: Ceilings and floors and walls torn up in the house. Three cars needing repairs. Lost the TV remote and my wallet. And a jacket is missing. Now this: left work at six and drive to the shop. Will’s Jeep is repaired, but I need to pick up the keys under the mat in the unlocked Jeep. It’s after 6:30 but fortunately the shop is still open, so I drive in and hop out of Anna’s Jeep. The guy will pull her Jeep into the garage in case it rains, since the window is stuck down. We won’t have to make an extra trip.


I grab my briefcase and drive home in Will’s Jeep. Pull into my garage and gather my stuff to go inside. That’s when I realize: my glasses are still in Anna’s Jeep. Whenever I drive I take off my glasses since they’re not needed.


No problem – my old prescriptions can serve as my backup pair. Now where are those things? Not in my sock drawer. Are they at work? Nope. I left them in a place where they’d be handy whether I needed them at work or home. In my car. Unfortunately my car is also in the shop. In Athens. No glasses.


After supper (taco salad) Ceil encouraged me to run up to the dollar store for a pair of cheaters. Good idea. Checking out frames in the mirror reminded me how bad I needed a haircut. So at 8:30 I drove across the parking lot to my barber shop, where my stylist Denise was working. Got scalped pretty good. Back home I worked on the computer. The cheaters work ok, but not great. I look like the grandfather on Modern Family, Ed Harris.


Tuesday: I hate the cold. Another after work trip to Cumming for me. I was going to make some stops but didn’t since I  misplaced my wallet again. Not sure if I’m losing my mind or what. Also misplaced the TV remote on Saturday so yesterday Ceil picked up a new one at the Comcast store.


There had been talk of icy road conditions in places like Flowery Branch (which is east of Cumming) but I had no problems. There was traces of snow in Cumming. Got home at 7:30 in time for Jeopardy. Then Ceil watched Fixer Upper. There was a little snow on the ground on Holcomb Bridge and in the parking lot at work.


Wednesday: Hot Stove meeting. One of the old men from Forsyth county had attended game 7 of the 1960 world series, and found himself of the telecast of the game. We watched the last three innings. Everyone told where they were when the game was being played – most were in school, many listening. I was 14 months old at home in Macon.Thursday: Worked past seven. Crazy busy day but I got a big attaboy from the big boss. I also shook things up and got projects moving even though I was in two conference calls and an hour long meeting. Moved some mountains. Not sure if any of my admonitions will be completely heard and understood. Some of the same things were happening after our meeting. Not that I’m the model employee myself.


Traffic was light going home so I made it in time to watch Jeopardy. But at eight I had to change clothes and go pick up M. He’d been downtown for a service project. On the way home M and I stopped by a thrift store, got gas, and stopped by Kroger. Thursday afternoon Ceil had gone from Sandy Springs to Kennesaw to get her driver’s license renewed, and was late with supper: eggs and hash browns. I ate an egg but passed on the potatoes.


Bought another pair of shoes: royal blue Nike Hyperdunk 2010 with lots of white trim. Look great with my black warm-ups or jeans, but not shorts because I’m too old to wear these high-tops. So far it’s really been a year of shoes. I really need to slow down and sell some. Since I’ve cut out fast food at least I’m not spending more money. In the past 6-7 weeks I’ve added seven pair – more sneakers than I’ll ever need. In order of preference:


Brown leather Arthur Padre lifestyle sneakers

Black/white Nike Zoom Speed TR2

Grey/green Nike LunarGlide 4+

Red Nike Flyknit Lunar 1+

Royal Nike Hyperdunk 2010

White Nike sneakers (sell?)

Black sport turquoise Nike Air Max 2013


I noticed SI.com had Jack McCallum’s revised top 50 greatest NBA players of all time. He had been on the selection committee several years ago when the top 50 was introduced at a NBA all-star game. He removed several players from the original list, including Dominique and Pistol Pete. They also had a Top 20 players from the last 20 years list. ESPN also made up their own list, of the top 100 NBA players. Most of those rankings are erroneous on purpose (LeBron ahead of Magic and Bird?) just so people will click on the link. Perhaps I will compare the SI list to the ESPN list.


Should the Hawks trade Horford? I think he fits in the system better than Blake Griffin. Not sure he is Hawks material.


I’m starting to warm up to Publix after being a Kroger man all these years. Better prices on name brand cereal, with their BOGO’s.. Earlier this week the Stinky Kroger was REALLY living up to its name.


The Disco Kroger is being replaced with a big complex near Peachtree and Piedmont. It will probably be like Tower Place across the street. I don’t mind the living places. The Perimeter Mall area is gridlocked every afternoon and they’re going to add a huge complex there at 400 & Abernathy. Those developers only care about making money and nothing about traffic. Who cares about all the offices sitting vacant? The vacant office buildings are like 20 year old stadiums and domes – ready to be bulldozed and made into something new.


In the Disco Kroger shopping center is a cigar shop. Men go in and hang out and smoke cigars. There are nice chairs and sofas and a big screen TV. The owner is real nice. Ceil goes in and buys his empty cigar boxes, which he sells for $2.00 - $10.00 depending on size. Whenever a woman comes in all the men stop and stare, like their turf is being invaded.

Choosing to Cheat

In his book Choosing to Cheat, author Andy Stanley proposes men in particular focus on family. Instead of always burning the candle on both ends on the job and thereby taking time away from family, men should not feeling guilty about sometimes robbing time and focus from work to spend with family. He’s not saying not to do an excellent job at your work – in fact he says we should (I’m probably taking this completely out of context, so don’t quote me).

 

An acquaintance knows his life expectancy is not long, perhaps as little as ten years. He is away from work sick and at the doctor almost as much as he’s there. His job appears to be of no great concern, perhaps because of this knowledge. Maybe disease and the treatments have taken a toll, making it hard to concentrate. Soon he may go out on disability. As his weight and health fluctuate he goes on and off the transplant list, which he seems hopeful will end his nightly treatments. Yet all I see him eat is fast food.

 

This reminds me of a quote from the movie Groundhog Day. Weatherman Phil Conners (Bill Murray) resigns himself to repeating the same day over and over. Eventually he makes an effort to serve the community, providing acts of service like saving a boy falling from a tree and fixing an old lady’s flat tire. He learns French and how to sculpt ice, reads literature, and learns to play the piano, all in an effort to woo the lovely Rita (Andie McDowell). In order to get out of repeating the same day over and over he tries to kill himself – jumping off a building, driving a pickup truck off a cliff, throwing a toaster in his bath, stepping in front of a train. But early on in his frustration Phil orders a tableful of food, and proceeds to eat it all in front of Rita.

 

Rita’s observation is key: “I like to see a man of advancing years throwing caution to the wind. It's inspiring in a way.” (Phil replies “My years are not advancing as fast as you might think”).

What would I do in this guy’s situation? Would I eat healthier and take better care of myself? Would I spend less time and effort on work? Perhaps his response is logical.

 

This makes me think. How long do I have to live? Why am I sitting at my desk for eleven hours a day stressing out and gaining weight? (besides having more bills that I can possibly pay). It’s obviously not healthy. I’m overweight from not exercising and eating too much - though I’m trying to turn that aircraft carrier around.  

 

Back in the 1990’s my former boss Steve Apollo inherited two perennially underperforming employees. He worked with them in an effort to make them more productive. When this didn’t work Steve eventually demoted them to the plant. One of the guys still toils there, periodically being reassigned when he wears out his welcome. The other guy eventually moved on, actually creating his own business in the steel industry. My acquaintance moved to town to for one job, and later transferred to another department before leaving the company. Later when two employees quit at the same time, a desperate boss re-hired him - despite the objections of many. Since then he’s been bounced around from department to department and boss to boss (seven in all). As workload increased several of his duties were taken away and given to others.

 

How should a company address such a situation? Admirably keep an underperformer (a veteran with VA benefits) employed so he’ll be insured? How should I respond, having observed him all these years? In love, without judgment or malice. Seventy times seven. After seven years (and many more than 490 times) this remains hard. I need to pray for this guy, for his health and his family. I’m such a terrible example at work: grouchy, irritable, gossiping, handling things the wrong way, complaining. So many I know have it much worse than me. It used to be easier to let God’s Holy Spirit work through me. Another aircraft carrier I need to let God turn around for me.

UGA T-shirts & bobbles

A list of UGA T-shirt giveaways. Anna needs get the Beat Clemson tee to wear in Jefferson. You’ll need to get there early to get the shirt.

 

2.13 sat 1.00 equestrian tee vs auburn

2.13 sat 4.00 gymnastics bobblehead

2.16 tue 9.00 basketball raise the flag tee 1250 students

2.19 fri 5.00 baseball opening day tee

2.27 sat 10.00 equestrian uga equestrian tee

2.27 sat 12.00 basketball bobblehead

3.17 thu 3.00 womens tennis free tee

3.19 sat 12.00 womens tennis free tee

3.20 sun 2.00 tennis free tee

3.25 fri 5.00 tennis free tee

3.25 fri 6.00 softball free tee

3.29 tue 6.00 softball wreck tech tee and free pizza

4.01 fri 6.00 softball neon tee

4.02 sat 12.00 baseball top gun tee

4.03 sun 3.00 softball lu-au tee

4.05 tue 7.00 baseball beat Clemson tee

4.15 fri 5.00 tennis free tee

4.15 fri 7.00 baseball beat SC tee

4.17 sun 7.00 softball bobblehead

4.18 mon 7.00 softball jersey tee

4.26 tue 7.00 baseball wreck tech tank

5.06 fri 7.00 baseball black 2006 jersey tee

5.08 sun 1.00 baseball hairy dog bobblehead

5.19 thur 7.00 baseball bobblehead

Megatron: Hall of Famer?

Poor Detroit. First one of the greatest running backs in history (Lion Barry Sanders) retired “early” at thirty. Now the greatest wide receiver in history (Lion Calvin Johnson) is rumored to do the same.

Yet Lynn Swann is “not sure” Calvin Johnson is a Hall-of-Famer, as if it were up to him to decide. Swann benefited from the Steeler dynasty, as well as having a hall of fame receiver, running back, and quarterback to share the load. Johnson had no such luxury, yet outperformed Swann in every season. Like Johnson, Swann played only nine seasons and retired at thirty due to injuries. Swann only played three full 14 game seasons. Johnson played at least 14 games in all but one season.   

 

Swann’s quote: . "I would think that it would be difficult for Calvin Johnson at this point to be considered a Hall of Famer," the legendary Steelers wideout told The Detroit News. "Calvin Johnson has an extreme amount of talent and ability, but when you start to look at his team, the success of his team and did he lift that team; he made them a little bit better, but at the end of the day, I'm not quite sure."

 

Around the NFL.com writer Conor Orr counters: “Swann has 6,107 fewer receiving yards than Johnson and 32 fewer touchdowns. So while we would have to take him seriously on the numbers aspect, his insistence on leaning into Pittsburgh's dynasty of the time doesn't help move the conversation forward.”

 

Orr continues: “The Hall of Fame is supposed to consider more than just blind stats, and the team success argument alone is weak. Johnson played on some awful Lions teams over the years and redefined what it meant to be a big body receiver. His contributions off the field are also stellar and could work in his favor.”

 

Fact: In the same number of years Swann caught less than half as many passes as Johnson, and gained less than half as many yards. Now which one shouldn’t be in the hall of fame?

 

YR.GP.rec.YD.TD.avg

74 12 11 208 02 18.9

75 14 49 781 11 15.9

76 12 28 516 03 18.4

77 14 50 789 07 15.8

78 16 61 880 11 14.4

79 13 41 808 05 19.7

80 13 44 710 07 16.1

81 13 34 505 05 14.9

82 09 18 265 00 14.7

09 116 336 5462 51 16.3 LSwann

14 183 501 8685 67 17.3 CBranch

 

Using Swann’s argument, Oakland Raider Cliff Branch should have been elected into the HOF before Swann. The Raiders running game paled in comparison to the Steelers. Branch was every bit the electrifying receiver that was Swann.

 

Johnson’s receiving yards ranks sixth among active receivers and third in touchdowns. All-time he is 27th in yards and 22nd in touchdowns, behind non-hall-of-famers Jimmy Smith, Tory Holt, Henry Ellard, and Terrell Owens. But those four needed at least two more seasons to put up only marginally better numbers. And if mere numbers were the criteria for entrance into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Herschel Walker would have been enshrined long ago (see below).  

 

YR.GP.rec…YD..TD.avg

07 15 048 0756 04 15.8

08 16 078 1331 12 17.1

09 14 067 0984 05 14.7

10 15 077 1120 12 14.5

11 16 096 1681 16 17.5

12 16 122 1964 05 16.1

13 14 084 1492 12 17.8

14 13 071 1077 08 15.2

15 16 088 1214 09 13.8

09 135 0731 11619 083 15.9 CJohnson

09 116 0336 05462 051 16.3 LSwann

11 178 0862 12287 067 14.3 JSmith

11 173 0920 13382 074 14.5 THolt

17 228 0814 13777 065 16.9 HEllard

15 219 1078 15934 153 14.8 TOwens

 

In fact Calvin’s career numbers compare favorably with Jerry Rice’s first nine years in the league. Johnson had more catches in fewer games, with a higher yards per catch average.

 

YR.GP.rec…YD..TD.avg

85 16 049 0927 03 18.9

86 16 086 1570 15 18.3

87 12 065 1078 22 16.6

88 16 064 1306 09 20.4

89 16 082 1483 17 18.1

90 16 100 1502 13 15.0

81 16 080 1206 14 15.1

92 16 084 1201 10 14.3

93 16 098 1503 15 15.3

09 140 0708 11776 118 16.6 JRice 1st 9 years

09 135 0731 11619 083 15.9 CJohnson

20 303 1549 22895 197 14.8 JRice career

 

Rice, considered by some to be the greatest football player in history, is said to have gained more yards than any player in NFL history. Yet Herschel Walker averaged twenty more yards per game in the NFL, and gained over 1600 more professional yards than Rice. Indeed, Walker also out-gained Rice in both college and high school. This means Herschel has gained more yards than any football player in history.

 

YR.GP..APYD..YPG

20 303 23546 077.7 JR

16 241 25214 104.6 HW pro

13 187 18168 097.2 HW NFL

 

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000635332/article/lynn-swann-not-sure-calvin-johnson-is-a-hall-of-famer