Another article by Travis Bradberry that I desperately need to apply to my own life. As usual I re-typed key sections of the article, slightly rewording and inserting a few comments of my own.
We are obsessed with happiness. The “pursuit of happiness” is in the Declaration of Independence. How can we find it and keep it alive?
We are obsessed with happiness. The “pursuit of happiness” is in the Declaration of Independence. How can we find it and keep it alive?
According to research, we all have a happiness “set point.” When good or bad things happen to us our happiness may temporarily increase or decrease, but eventually we drift back to our set point. But the research shows you can make yourself happier – permanently. Our genetic set point is only responsible for about half our happiness. Life circumstances affect another 10%, leaving the remaining 40% completely up to yourself. This 40% you control, determined by your habits, attitude, and outlook on life. You have to work to make and keep yourself happy.
This happiness is rooted in your habits. Making new habits, like how you see the world, is hard, but breaking the habits that make you unhappy is easier.
Immunity to awe. Every day so many amazing things happen all around us, but eventually many of us (like me) become complacent. A shame because experiencing true awe is uplifting and humbling. It reminds us that we are not the center of the universe. Awe is inspiring and full of wonder, underscoring the richness of life and our ability to contribute to it be captivated by it. It’s hard to be happy when you just shrug every time you see something new.
Isolating yourself. A pretty common response, but it’s the worst thing to do. Even when you don’t enjoy socializing it feels good when you do (I love it when all these extroverts tell introverts how they should feel. Actually I don’t).
Blaming. We need to feel in control of our lives in order to be happy. When you blame other people or circumstances for the bad things that happen to you, you have decided that you have no control over your life. This is terrible for your mood.
Controlling. It’s hard to be happy without feeling in control of your life, but you can take this too far in the other direction by trying to control too much. The only person you can control is you. When you feel the desire to dictate other people’s behavior, Bradberry writes, this will inevitably blow up in your face and make you unhappy (this doesn’t seem to hinder all the control freaks out there).
Criticizing. This usually backfires for me. Judging other people and speaking poorly of them might feel good while you’re doing it, but afterwards you feel guilty. Sociopaths find real pleasure in being mean. For the rest of us criticizing is just a bad habit intended to make us feel better about ourselves. But it doesn’t work , it’s just a spiral of negativity.
Complaining. Not only complaining, but the attitude that precedes it. Complaining is self-reinforcing behavior. By constantly talking – and therefore feeling – about how bad things are, you reaffirm your negative beliefs. While talking about what bothers you can help you feel better, it also fuels unhappiness. Beyond making you unhappy, complaining drives other people away.
Impressing. Just because people like your clothes, your car, or your fancy job, that doesn’t mean people like you. Trying to impress other people is a source of unhappiness because it doesn’t get to the source of what makes you happy – finding people who like you and accept you for who you are. All the things you acquire in the quest to impress people won’t make you happy either. When make a habit of chasing things you are more likely to become unhappy because, beyond the disappointment you experience once you get them, you discover you’ve gained them at the expense of the real things that can make you happy, such as friends, family, and taking care of yourself.
Negativity. Life won’t always go the way you want it to, but when it comes down to it, you have the same 24 hours in a day like everyone else. Happy people make their time count. Instead of complaining they reflect on all they have to be grateful for. They find the best solution to a problem, tackle it, and move on. Pessimism becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy: if you expect bad things you are more likely to get bad things. Pessimistic thoughts are hard to shake off – unless you realize how illogical they are. Force yourself to look at the facts and you’ll see that things aren’t nearly as bad as they seem.
Hanging around negative people. Complainers and negative people wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so they can feel better about themselves. There’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spirals. Avoid getting drawn in by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Just as you wouldn’t hang around a smoker all day inhaling second hand smoke, keep your distance from negative people. A great way to set limits is to ask them how they intend to fix their problems.
Strive to surround yourself with people who inspire you, people who make you want to be better. Life is too short to associate with people who make you feel worthless, anxious, or uninspired. And don’t be one of those people.
Comparing your own life to the lives people portray on social media. Bradberry hits the nail on the head on this one. A study showed that people who stayed off Facebook for a week reported a higher degree of satisfaction with their lives and lower levels of sadness and loneliness. People on Facebook were 50% more likely to feel stress as a result. Facebook rarely represents reality, instead providing an airbrushed, color-enhanced look at the lives people want to portray. TIP: use social media sparingly – and with a grain of salt.
Neglecting to set goals. Having goals gives you hope and the ability to look forward to a better future. Working toward these goals makes you feel good about yourself and your abilities. Without goals you just plod along wondering why things never change.
Giving in to fear. I am guilty of this one. I need to turn off Fox News and deal with the world I can impact. I unfollowed the Twitter accounts that were getting me down. Fear is nothing more than a lingering emotion fueled by your imagination. Danger is real. Fear is a choice. Happy people know this – they’re addicted to the euphoric feeling they get from conquering their fears. In the end you’ll lament the chances you did not take more than you will your failures. Don’t be afraid to take risks. What’s the worst that can happen – death? No. the worst thing that can happen is allowing yourself to die inside, while you’re still alive.
Leaving the present. Like fear, the past and the future are products of the mind. It’s impossible to reach your full potential when you’re constantly somewhere else, unable to embrace the reality of the moment, whether good or bad. ME: Again, guilty. I often live in a dream world. I have no hang-ups about the past or future – my problem is dealing with the present.
a. Accept your past. Bradberry writes “Happy people know the only good reason to look to the past is to see how far you’ve come.” I’m not so sure – I have many happy memories from the past.
b. Accept the uncertainty of the future, and don’t place unnecessary expectations on yourself. Worry has no place in the here and now. Mark Twain said “worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”
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