Beau and the White Shoes

A year or two ago I ruffled some feathers with a comment about how so many middle-aged suburban white men wear white New Balance walking shoes. The comment hit a little too close to home for some of my Facebook friends, but perhaps in some small way their comments made my little corner of the world a little cooler in the long run. Anything to help fight the dreaded global warming.

As a life-long sneakerhead, I am of the opinion that at this time heavily-padded all-white walking shoes are not at all cool to be seen in. Those wearing popular white New Balance walking shoes are particularly culpable. Nothing against good ole Made in the USA New Balance, mind you. Their Minimus line of running shoes are some of the coolest shoes out there. I can go all day wearing my New Balance 990 series running shoes. They are more comfortable than any other shoes I own. I like them so much I own several pair: in black, navy, and a couple of grey pair. But I must admit the black pair do look a little George Constanza-ish. And recently I’ve sadly come to the conclusion that even the legendary grey 990’s can label a guy as  “old” and therefore leaning toward the uncool side of the scale.

What happens with a cool brand like New Balance or North Face or Facebook is they become cool and everyone starts to wear them. Usually first the young urban people make the brand cool, then suburbanites and older people and small town folk join the bandwagon. Then New Balance or North Face decide to expand and start selling not only the original items that made them cool, but almost anything stamped with their logo that these companies think some sucker will buy – everything from all-white walking shoes or highlighter yellow and pink North Face jackets and T-shirts. Since everyone is doing it, it’s no longer cool. By that point the brand has jumped the shark and the cool young people have moved on to The Next Big Thing, like Patagonia or FaceTime or things I’m not cool enough to even know about yet.

For young people this knowledge comes naturally, but us older people are clueless about such life and death matters because we’re watching Fox News, CNN, HGTV, or The Food Network instead of sticking our faces in our iPhones 25 hours a day.

At this point the typical old person would rightly reason “who cares what other people think” and “who cares what’s cool” and “I’m wearing the best shoes and that’s what matters” and “where’s the bathroom?” And they would be right. Just by mentioning all this makes me not cool.

Which brings me to the new story, as told by my 21 year old nephew Beau last week out on the beach. Beau is a people person – a friend to everyone he meets. A great storyteller you can’t help but like.  When us older people were worried about getting to the seafood buffet in time for the early birds discount or getting back to bed at a decent hour, Beau was out visiting friends and hanging out in places where people dance.

Since Beau is a such the people person, he charms a young lady into dancing with him. But when he exaggeratingly dips his partner he accidentally brushes a nearby patron, causing the guy to spill his drink. The patron is miffed, but Beau expertly diffuses the situation with a friendly comment. But what makes the story hilarious is the way Beau describes the guy. “He was this old guy wearing a golf shirt and khaki shorts and white New Balance shoes with white socks.” How old, we asked. “I don’t know” Beau replied, “Real old! He had to be in his mid-50’s!”

I laughed along with the others, knowing my own personal theories had been confirmed.