Dealing With Anger

Years ago I remember eating a meal over at the Normans house. Young Will and the Norman boys were running around everywhere, stressing me out. I was wanting to scold Will for being such a terror. Steve and Becky were just sitting back, enjoying the chaos.  It was then I realized that not everyone was like me. Other parents still disciplined their children, but did so without getting angry.

Over the years I saw this over and over. Very few were like me, even if they grew up in an abusive household. Instead of anger and yelling I saw love and acceptance.

All my life I’ve sat in churches listening to sermons by some of the greatest preachers in the world. Billy Graham. Ravi Zacharias. Charles Stanley. Andy Stanley. Louie Giglio. Bryant Wright. Bob Marsh. David Platt. Frances Chan. Bob Ott. Tony Campolo. Michael Youssef. John Piper. Brene Brown. John MacArthur. Bill Hybels. Rick Warren. Jim Cymbala. Tony Evans. And others. But listening to great preachers does not make me more like Jesus.

All preached the need to be more like Jesus Christ. I understand that to mean to be like Christ in everything I do, every day – not just when I am in church. To love others and put them ahead of myself. There are verses in the Bible that say these very things. To love my enemies. To love my wife more than myself, and to meet her every need.

These words and commands of Jesus come not with exceptions. I am to love even when I don’t feel like it. To do otherwise is sin. God’s Spirit wants to inhabit my mind and help me live this life, but I must make the effort to cast aside my own selfish desires not just when it is easy, but also when it’s hard, when I’m angered and want to act selfishly.

In dealing with people I’ve learned that most are not like me. God created everyone different, whether I like it or not. Some differences may annoy me. God wants me to love and accept everyone regardless of our differences.

Like being on time. Over the years its been ingrained in me to arrive places early. I’ve constantly got my eye on the clock. When I am running late I get all tensed up and on edge. I feel pressure on myself and am angered. Why? Because I don’t want to let the person down I am going to see, be it a doctor’s appointment or work or church service or dinner reservation or ball game or an evening with friends. Most could care less and not even notice if I’m five minutes late. These days more than ever people can be 30 minutes late and think nothing of it.

Many people in my life are not that way. Most, in fact. Our idea of how early we should leave is completely different. They could care less. I may feel anger growing inside me, making me want to lash out and yell at the slowpokes. In these cases I am the one at fault. My relationship with these people is more important than leaving on time. I have to ask God to help me put away my anger.

When I grow angry and lash out at someone, it makes that person – and everyone else around me – not want to be around me any more. I may be right about something, but it’s still wrong for me to belittle and yell at that person. When people don’t include me in things, when they don’t call me on the phone or text me, often it’s because they don’t want to risk invoking my anger again.

Over the years there have been a time or three when my anger swelled up and boiled over at work. Not sure, but these instances may have cost me in raises and promotions. That very thing recently happened at another of our locations: an employee who over the years treated coworkers throughout the Southeast rudely had been counseled and warned about his bad behavior. When the manager’s position came open this guy was considered but not only passed over, but he was eventually fired for his continued unacceptable behavior.

Many times it’s all I can do to not be angry. It’s a daily battle that’s effected many relationships. If possible, it’s better to walk away than to be around what’s making you angry. Get your mind on something else. Dealing with anger only gets harder with age. It’s wrong. Only with God’s help can I love.

If you share my problem, I pray you ask God to help you change, and take steps in that direction. Think about the legacy you’re leaving, what people will think of you when you’re gone.

THE POINT: No one deserves to be yelled at. Care about others more than yourself. Let me know if I can help.