Things you should never say to anyone, an article by Michael Thompson. Taken from George Thompson’s book Verbal Judo, part of George’s Tactical Communication Course. Intended to arm people with more effective words to de-escalate potentially unfortunate situations instead of resulting to force. Helps us properly navigate stressful situations both at home and at work. As I’ve said many times before, I type up and post these articles to help me internalize them. It they can help someone else, all the better.
1. “Come here!” Better: “May I talk to you?” or “Would you mind if we chatted for a moment?”
2. “Because those are the rules.” Worse: “Because I said so!” Shows a lack of respect. Doesn’t give people a choice. Instead explain why. Allows for neutral ground. These five truths apply to everyone:
a. people want to be treated with dignity and respect.
b. people want to be asked, rather than told something.
c. people want to be informed as to why they are being asked or ordered to do something.
d. people want to be given choices rather than threats.
e. people want a second chance when they make a mistake. Don’t you? It’s called grace.
3. “Calm down!” Suggests their reasons for being upset aren’t valid. Makes people feel they have to defend their actions. Better to say: It’s going to be alright. Talk to me. What’s the matter? This signals you want to better understand, and are open to working things out.
4. “I’m not going to say this again.” Makes people feel threatened. It’s also a lie – people will repeat their arguments over and over again. When it comes to communication during tense situations, repetition shows weakness. Instead (in a calm voice): Listen – it’s important you get this point, so please pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you. Strong but not threatening.
5. “What do you want me to do about it?” This does nothing to positively advance a conversation. Instead think creatively to help resolve the problem. Offer solutions. Or point the person to someone who can help. Or say “I’m sorry. I really don’t know what to recommend. I wish I did. I’d really like to help.”
6. “What’s your problem?” Instead ask: “What’s the matter?” Or “How can I help?”
7. “Why don’t you be reasonable?” Has this statement ever helped? It only fuels the fire. Makes people defensive. Instead say: Let me see if I understand your position – and repeat back what the other person is saying.
8. “This has to be done immediately!” Don’t cry wolf just to try to get your way.
9. “You are free to go.” Do not place yourself in a position of authority when you have no business doing so.
Recap: empathy is the key to all successful interactions. Not threats. Use words that lift up, not tear down. Especially if you want people to do things for you.
https://oldskoolbball.com/michael-jordan-penny-hardaway-shoe/
YOGI BERRA [SABR Bio] was a 3-time MVP, but never once led the league in any standard offensive category at any time in his 19-year MLB career. MVP in 1951, 1954 & 1955, all fairly well contested. He was ordered to wear glasses to correct his vision after being hit in the nose. Glasses came in 1957. His 13-game hitting streak was stopped on his birthday by a pitcher’s near-no-hitter. Streak stopped 12-May-1956, Yogi’s 31st birthday, by rookie Oriole and fellow Italian Don Ferrarese. His son played for the NFL’s Baltimore Colts. Son Tim Berra played one season for the Colts. He was nominally a wide receiver, but just returned punts during his only NFL season.
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