I Am Anxious

There is an epidemic of anxiety in our nation. Sometimes I think people are telling and reminding themselves of how stressed they are. Too much going on. Too many expectations. Social media has a lot to do with it. Everyone presenting their best self while hiding all the ugliness of their life. Showing off possessions that many rent or borrow and not own. My golfing partner took leave from his job due to anxiety. Ceil stressed about relationships and other issues. I know some who have dealt with anxiety for years.

I am an old fart, back from the days when we were  told to tough it out. Now kids are more in touch with their feelings I guess. Plenty for me to be stressed and anxious about. Work is certainly stressful. Affects me and ruins my day sometimes. I used to lose sleep over work, but not in the past few years. Money issues. Family matters. What is going on the our country and the world. Crime. Am I dealing with anything worse than others? Many have it worse than me. Most have it much worse. Who am I to complain? Listening to the missionaries talk about their day to day lives, things I can’t even post lest I endanger their lives. No, I don’t have it bad at all. Could I lose all my retirement savings? Could I fall dead of a heart attack at any time? Could I lose my job? Yes, yes, and yes.

Many people employ playful banter, poking fun at others in perhaps a downgrading way. Happens among certain groups of friends (though not many of mine. Happens in offices and other places people work. On texts and chats and certainly social media. Not at all my cup of tea. I take things far too literally than I should. That’s my personality, which is far from perfect. So I shy away from such environments. Takes me time to process through such interactions to determine that I shouldn’t let them bother me. For many it is a way of life.

I can remember several instances over the years when I have let stress and anxiety get to me, when I have overreacted. With close family members. Friends. At work, where people had to take time out of their busy day to cool me down. I look back on these instances with embarrassment. When I look for accolades and encouragement, I try to remember that far too often, I was the one dragging others down.

I try to not give voice to my troubles. Better to give them over to God. I may be slammed at work, but I look around and see others with piles much larger than me, with responsibilities much larger. I may not get pats on the back for every single little thing that I do, but who does? Yet if I look, I get a decent chunk of encouragement. An email reply saying thanks. This morning my boss gave me an encouraging word. A few minutes later on a teams call with numerous big shots, a coworker praised me for all my help. This week I received a free t-shirt from work. Last year I was given a special star performer token, a nicer title, and a nice gift for my 35th anniversary. I get a nice paycheck every two weeks, and a bonus every now and then. And these are just the things I’m remembering right now. Work may be overwhelming some of the time, though I have to remember there are other times when I may be chewing the fat instead of slaving away. I'm supposed to be working as if for the Lord.

Sure, I can think of more nice things I wish specific people would do for me, but really, how much am I doing for others? Not as much as I should, that’s for sure. I really don’t give back nearly as much as I should. Much less than I see others giving back. I’m perfectly happy going home and slopping down on the couch to watch TV. I encourage those suffering from anxiety to count their blessings, and look honestly at themselves in the mirror.

Louie Giglio once dealt with crippling anxiety. He prayed for months, for year for God to heal him. Louie redoubled his faith, fully expecting God to heal him, in God’s time. Finally God healed Louie. Giglio has written at least one book about the subject. If you are dealing with anxiety I suggest you read it, and / or get help from a professional counselor. 

I am not immune to stress and anxiety. I often fall victim to their effects, but they don’t seem to keep me down for long. Doesn’t affect me as bad as it does others, and for that I am thankful. I try to remember God’s promises and the words of Jesus, and give over my burdens to Him. These are not trite sayings or words, but a reality in my life. As with most subjects I fall far short in conveying my thoughts and feelings into written words. I hope and pray that you get what I am trying to say.

I may see someone responding to anxiety differently than me, and it’s hard for me to process and sympathize. I don’t need to judge, but pray for them, be a friend, and offer support.