Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Improving the Home Depot Tool Race

The Home Depot Tool Race is wildly popular with fans at Braves games. The race is much more fun since they’ve taken it off the Jumbotron and made it an actual race with “real” characters. Still, it lags behind similar races in other ballparks, due to its commercial tie in. The Brewers’ Sausage Race, the Nationals’ President’s Race, and the Giants’ Crab Race stand above the Tool Race.

In an effort to make the Tool Race better, here are several suggestions:  

Famous Georgians: Jimmy Carter, Ted Turner, Paula Dean, Lewis Grizzard, James Oglethorpe, Eli Whitney, MLK Jr., Herschel Walker, Evander Holyfield, Button Gwinnett, Julia Roberts. Jeff Foxworthy could lose every race.

Braves: Hank Aaron, Warren Spahn, Eddie Mathews, Phil Niekro, Dale Murphy, Bobby Cox, Mark Lemke (not a character, but the ACTUAL Mark Lemke). Sid Bream could finish every race with a slide. In every race Chipper could get inj…uh, never mind.

Pitchers: Smoltz (strong finisher), Glavine (slow, like his changeup), four-eyed Maddux (crafty), Niekro (weaves around the others, like his knuckleball), Mazzone (rocks as he runs), Rick Camp. Call it the Cy Young Race.

Announcers: Skip, Ernie, Pete, Don, Larry Munson. Clark Howard knows a shortcut.

Georgia Crops: Peanut, Peach, Pecan, Pine Cone, Cottonball, Shrimp, Largemouth Bass.

Nuts (the Nut Race!): Peanut, Pecan, Almond, Cashew.

Buildings: State Capitol, Peachtree Plaza, Fox Theater, Georgia Pacific Building, AT&T Tower, Georgia Aquarium, World of Coke, Hyatt Regency, the King & Queen.

Mascots: Homer the Brave, Freddie the Falcon, Harry the Hawk, Uga or Hairy Dog, Buzz. Alternate between special guests Aubie, Smokey, Big Al (Alabama’s Elephant), Cocky the Gamecock, and the Florida Gator.

Corporate symbols: a Coke Bottle, Chick-fil-A cow, Home Depot hammer, Delta jet, brown UPS truck, Varsity Frosted Orange. Talk about competition!

Any other ideas?

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