Monday, May 07, 2012

Season Ending Awards

For those of you who didn’t stick around for the HSWS awards ceremony (and you know who you are), here are some of the awards you may have missed…

ADAM…the “Take One for the Team” Award, for knocking in a crucial run while breaking his beloved bat. RAY only placed second in the category, since his bat was still under warranty. Those bat warranty jokes always get a laugh.

PATRICK is all mad because he came in third in the “Take One for the Team” category. Sorry, Patrick, next time you’ll have to try harder…I mean, you only got hit by ELEVEN pitches! I know, it was really twelve…I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have a concussion. Patrick never saw a pitch he couldn’t be hit by. We were going to tell Patrick that he was just one away from the national high school HBP record, but we were afraid of what he might do to break it. He’d probably jump out front of the trophy. When…I mean IF…Patrick grows up, he’s going to have a lucrative (if not short) career collecting insurance for jumping out in front of ambulances. Maybe I shouldn’t give him any ideas.

NATHAN SHETLER has a new superhero nickname…from the movie “The Incredibles”: Can you guess? No, not Dash. Not Mr. Incredible. His nickname: Violet. Look at him…he’s blushing! And for getting four hits in one game, Nathan wins the Eric Hinske Slugger Award.

ANDREW…for being put at a position he hadn’t played all season…for the most crucial defensive inning of the season, and then making the season-ending double play, Andrew wins the Eric Hinske Backup Award, for being the best third-string first baseman.

CHARLIE V…The best second-string first baseman award. Also Charlie won the Eric Hinske Best Goatee Award. Coach Broussard came in third. Second place went to that dead monkey we saw on the way home. Fourth place goes to Eric Hinske.

BRAEDEN wins the coveted Eric Hinske Golden Spikes Award. Not for his base-running, but for his always spotless cleats. Of course, Braeden also won the Freddie Freeman best first-string first baseman award.

SILAS…best JV first baseman. He beat up all the others.

BO WINN…best middle school first baseman. Sorry, I promised my man Bo a shout-out. Stand up, Bo! Like Silas, Bo beat up all the others. OK, has everyone had enough first-baseman jokes? I hope you’re not tired of the Eric Hinske jokes.

CASEY…for his service on spring break, Casey receives the Billy Graham Evangelism Award. For his HSWS play, he gets the Bronco Nagurski Award. Unfortunately, the Nagurski Trophy just crushed the Graham Trophy into a thousand pieces. There’s a lady from Raleigh that’s pretty upset about it. Sorry, Jana…Casey has to sit out next year’s banquet. All kidding aside, Casey had a great HSWS. On the weekend he batted .500 AND pitched 5 innings of no-hit ball…striking out 5 while walking just one. Sounds like he deserves the Babe Ruth Award as well.   

CHARLIE W…for the best performance after staying out too late the night before, the Max McGee Award. You young guys will have to look it up. Or not. Mrs. Brooks also gives him the Eric Hinske Big Eater Award. By the way, Mrs. brooks and Smith win the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval for cooking and cleaning up after as many as eight boys (including Mr. Brooks and me).

ERIC…looking at my scorebook, Eric played great down in Florida. Eric didn’t strike out, didn’t make an error. What…he didn’t go? Still, he deserves the Eric Hinske namesake award.

HUNTER…the HSWS is upset that you missed the awards ceremony. I mean, everyone else was there! Kinlaw? Kinlaw? Norman? Norman? It would’ve been funny if we had a player named Bueller. You young guys will have to look it up. Or not.

FRANKLIN…it’s a good thing Franklin left the HSWS awards ceremony quickly. He wore Casey’s number one jersey, and some of the Raleigh players were looking to put a hurtin’ on him. Instead they jumped another maroon number one…from that poor Houston Thunder team. Franklin won the Academic All-America Award, for completing the most schoolwork down in Florida. I was going to give Franklin the Most Valuable Player award for all his game-winning hits, but his dad was more proud of the Scholar Award.  

RAY…the Academy Award for Ray’s dramatic removal of his batting gloves. Also the Tim Tebow Award for doing everything short of Tebowing whenever he got a big hit. I think a demonstration of both would be in order!

RYAN…the Best Dressed Award, for being the only Crown player in full uniform for the HSWS awards ceremony. Coach Broussard came in third, for also correctly wearing his full uniform to the ceremony. Will came in second, for accepting his award in sandals.

SAM…in the best-looking player named Norman category, Sam tied for second-place.

CALEB tied Sam for second-place, for the best-looking player named Norman. First place went to their mom. She was added to the roster after she dealt with that Raleigh mom. I just hope Elise can bunt.

NATE ACKERMAN…first place in the bat tossing contest. Nate, if you ever play first base, I have another award for you.

WILL…second place in the bat-catching contest. Next time wear a mask. Coach Broussard won first place. Will also won the Shetler sister’s Old Man Award, for the way he wears his baseball pants. Will set the HSWS record for the most triples in one game…2-2/3. If his pants hadn’t been sagging down so much, he might’ve had that third triple. I’m also happy to announce that Will is returning next season…to be the Algebra Tutor.

TANNER…for ferrying around a minivan load of players all week in Florida: Tanner wins the Soccer Mom Award.

COACH LANE…for blocking the first baseman so he couldn’t chase down the pitcher’s errant throw, allowing Adam to make it all the way to third…the Jerry Kramer Block of Granite Award. I must be in a rut….that was my second old Green Bay Packer reference.

COACH ROSEMOND: The Presidential Medal of Honor for successfully putting together a record breaking season out of this rag-tag group of boys. He probably deserves the Purple Heart as well.

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