Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Offensive Team Names

The national outcry to change the offensive name of the Washington Redskins is growing louder. Last fall I thought the name would be changed at the end of the season, but it was not to be. Redskins owner Daniel Snyder has remained firm, despite losing trademark protection from the government. Many believe changing the name will be a financial windfall for the NFL, giving the league merchandise from a new team to sell – while still selling plenty of throwback Redskins merchandise as well.

Supposedly the Cleveland Indians are on somewhat safer ground, with the Atlanta Braves’ ground firmer still. No telling how long it will be before that thinking changes. I already see the Braves distancing themselves from the tomahawk and retired laughing Indian head logo in printed materials and commercials, and wonder if the tomahawk will also be retired by the time the team moves into its new ballpark. The braves are having enough trouble with the media and fans offended by the move from their unprofitable lease in the downtown slums.

Once the Redskins change their name, the masses and media can turn their attention to wiping out other offensive team names. Below is a list of other offensive team names in the NFL:   

BEARS…offensive to salmon.
BENGALS…endangered species.
BROWNS…offensive to other colors.
BILLS…name offensive to consumers.
BRONCOS…offensive to horse-trainers.
BUCCANEERS…glorifies criminals.
CARDINALS…offensive to blue jays.
CHARGERS…name offensive to consumers.
CHIEFS…offensive to the Indian nation.
COLTS…offensive to small horses.
COWBOYS…offensive to Indians.
DOLPHINS…causes intelligent animals to be imprisoned.
EAGLES…offensive to pigeons.
FALCONS…offensive to pigeons.
49ERS…offensive to those flunking history.
GIANTS…offensive to midgets.
JAGUARS…offensive to safe drivers.
JETS…loud machines that sometimes crash.
LIONS…offensive to gazelles.
PACKERS…offensive to management.
PANTHERS…name has racist connotations.
PATRIOTS…offensive to non-Americans.
RAIDERS…glorifies criminals.
RAMS…glorifies head-butting, a cause of concussions.
RAVENS…offensive to the infirmed.
REDSKINS…offensive to the Indian nation.
SAINTS…offensive to non-Christians.
SEAHAWKS…offensive to salmon.
STEELERS…glorifies shoplifting.
TEXANS…offensive to Oklahomans.
TITANS…offensive to normal-sized people.
VIKINGS…glorifies looters.

Like the Saints, soon the San Diego Padres and Wake Forest Demon Deacons will incur the wrath of the growing anti-Christian movement in our country. The ACLU will file suit, and three move teams will change their names. Just wait and see.

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