Being away from home 15 hours on Friday, five hours on Saturday, and six hours on Sunday can drive me crazy. The time is spent serving others. Selfishly I get mad because no one is serving or giving to me. My stuff doesn’t get done. ME ME ME. It is so hard for me to put others ahead of myself. My blood pressure rises when others don’t do the things I want them to do, or do them the way I want them to. It is so easy to forget that God made everyone different on purpose. To want everyone to be just like me is to tell God that He is wrong. God wants me to love and serve the people around me – to put them ahead of myself. To be able to love and serve others instead of forcing them to be a certain way.
I really fight this needless selfishness and anger. Holding in thoughtless, berating statements that would ruin the day (and ruin the relationship). Then traffic makes me mad. Instead of not worrying about things I can’t control I let it ruin my day – and everyone around me. It makes Ceil and the kids not want to be around me. It doesn’t matter who is right. What good is being right when people don’t want to be around me?
When I got home Sunday afternoon I was worn out – from my anger. I was useless the rest of the day. Is this anger and selfishness within me getting worse as I grow older? I sure hope not. Perhaps I’m sensing and fighting the anger more lately – which is both good and bad. I need to continually be asking God to fill me with His Spirit, to live and love through me, instead of letting my emotions destroy me.
Monday morning I needed to get out the door and on the way to work. The Tupperware top didn’t fit, and I was enraged. Was it really worth it? I could’ve organized the drawer this weekend, but didn’t. Then I tried to dive with an icy windshield instead of first cleaning it off. Wasted ten minutes. Made me angrier. Whose fault was this? MINE! What a waste of time and energy. Satan is winning. How I so need God in my life.
Left work Friday and drove to North Point Church for M’s school’s family worship service. Very good. His choir sang, and he read a verse. After the service to celebrate we had a late meal at El Felix, the fancy new upscale Mexican restaurant in The Avalon, that huge new live/work/shop development at 400 and Old Milton Parkway. Lots of people were there. The food was good, though the portions were small. Great chopped chicken and a hilarious waiter – similar to Keanu Reeves in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Anna and Brittany only ate cheese dip. Ceil and I shared a plate. Had to stop by Kroger on the way home. Long day.
Cleaned upstairs Saturday morning, and came downstairs to find that College Gameday had gone off early. Did laundry and cleaned more. Ceil went Christmas shopping. Anna went to art. Later M and A went to a party and I drove Ceil to Target and Whole Foods. Then I drove M out to Douglasville. Thinking I’d need to pick him up later, I went to the nearby mall and walked for 1-1/2 hours. People-watched and entertained myself taking pictures and such. Then M decided to spend the night, so I drove home.
Watched the NFL Network’s specials about Barry Sanders and Doug Flutie. Both were excellent. Sanders hated the spotlight and retired early, like Jim Brown. Had he played one more season Sanders could’ve easily broken Walter Payton’s all-time rushing record. Had he played two more seasons Sanders would’ve put the record out of Emmitt Smith’s reach. Barry’s son plays football at Stanford. Some call Flutie the greatest player in Canadian Football history. In four years Flutie led his team to four division championships and three Grey Cup appearances. Few know that Flutie has an autistic son, and has raised millions for the cause. Similar specials about Roger Staubach, Sayers and Butkus, and Bill Bellichek were also good.
Went to the 10 am Passion service with Ceil. Wanted to eat over in the Westside, but the restaurant was closed. Drove to Perimeter Mall and ate at Chuy’s. Afterwards Ceil shopped as I gassed up the Civic. Got home at 3 and watched the end of the Falcons game. Gassed up Anna’s Jeep – a trip that took over an hour because I had to fight WalMart traffic for a tire pressure gauge and drive to TWO QuikTrips to find a working air hose. Anna had a babysitting gig and Ceil went to fetch Matthew at church. I really didn’t do much the rest of the day, and went to bed early.
No one expected the Falcons to win, but for the second straight week they hung tough against a tough opponent – without their best player. So often fans call out players for laying out due to injury, when in fact they’ve been playing hurt for several games. They forget Johnny Unitas lived the rest of his life with arthritis so bad his hands turned to useless claws. That Raiders center Jim Otto and Colts lineman Bubba Smith needed crutches and wheelchairs from the destruction football did to their bodies. That Junior Seau and former Falcon Ray Easterling paid the ultimate price for the numerous concussions suffered on the gridiron. Even Tommy Nobis has lost a great deal of his memory.